I was single almost all my twenties and I was far from alone or sad. I formed strong friendships, studied and worked abroad, traveled alone and developped a lot as a person. I was in a relationship from 17- 21. He was a egocentric person and often made me feel shitty, so I was actually reliefed when we broke up (even though it took me almost 2 years to fully let go and recover from this 🫠).
Sure, when people asked I did label myself as single but it felt so weird because my life was so full.
When I saw romantic heteronormativ relationships around me I was happy that I didn't have to do this emotional work that is required. I often was so critical about the boyfriends of my friends and thought most of the time that they are better of without them.😅
i think as i got older (hi, i’m 40) the more i realized single is not a relationship status, it’s a legal status. when i was younger, singleness was more subjective - are you single in the “talking phase”? are you single when you’re hooking up and spending the night regularly but haven’t had the DTR talk? but now it exists as such a binary, are you married or single? filing as head of household or filing jointly? is there someone who legally can’t be forced to testify against you? someone who can make medical decisions for you? none of that has to do with whether you’re dating someone or not. singleness is an imposed framework that is stigmatized in order to encourage marriage because capitalism thrives on marriage.
Maybe back then “single” was meant as a direction of intent, not a state. And then got stuck as a default word.
In my experience “not looking” (gay world uses that a lot) is a good soft landing, while “single” indeed evokes certain wistfulness. 😌
I was single almost all my twenties and I was far from alone or sad. I formed strong friendships, studied and worked abroad, traveled alone and developped a lot as a person. I was in a relationship from 17- 21. He was a egocentric person and often made me feel shitty, so I was actually reliefed when we broke up (even though it took me almost 2 years to fully let go and recover from this 🫠).
Sure, when people asked I did label myself as single but it felt so weird because my life was so full.
When I saw romantic heteronormativ relationships around me I was happy that I didn't have to do this emotional work that is required. I often was so critical about the boyfriends of my friends and thought most of the time that they are better of without them.😅
Thank you for sharing this!!!
i think as i got older (hi, i’m 40) the more i realized single is not a relationship status, it’s a legal status. when i was younger, singleness was more subjective - are you single in the “talking phase”? are you single when you’re hooking up and spending the night regularly but haven’t had the DTR talk? but now it exists as such a binary, are you married or single? filing as head of household or filing jointly? is there someone who legally can’t be forced to testify against you? someone who can make medical decisions for you? none of that has to do with whether you’re dating someone or not. singleness is an imposed framework that is stigmatized in order to encourage marriage because capitalism thrives on marriage.