can we stop labeling people as “single”

WHAT IS SINGLE LIFE? I don’t get it.

Lately, I can’t help but ask myself, what does the term "single" even mean, and who tf invented all the awful associations that come with it? Life is not a Bridget Jones movie, and yet I feel like we haven’t moved too far away from the 2000s trainwreck of a rom-com when it comes to defining singlehood.

Sure, “we” talk about monogamy, non-monogamy, polyamory, cheating, lying, hidden and overt narcissism, ghosting, breadcrumbing, and all of that stuff. But we never seem to challenge the default rules, the default labels of being “single” or “taken” that we all kind of operate on.

Society is so obsessed with categorizing people as “single” or “taken,” when – for me – none of these labels have ever REALLY made sense, not since I was a teenager. No matter who’s in my life, first and foremost, I’m always myself. My own person. And not single or taken. I despise being adjectivized.

“Single” and “taken” are labels meant to dictate how I should interact with others and how much space I can give to people outside my heteronormative relationship, and I think that's wrong.

When I wake up, I never think of myself as a single person. I think of myself as an artist, a writer, a loyal friend, a dog person, a Chappell Roan stan.

I always see myself as free.

And never as: someone’s property, stay-at-home girlfriend or wifey who has to come home by 10 p.m. I definitely don’t feel like less of a person when I’m not in a monogamous romantic relationship. Therefore, I mostly do not identify with the common stereotypes associated with being single.

I cannot relate to women who constantly complain about their single-ness as if it were a disease that men could cure them of. Being single is neither a shame nor a condition. It is an externally imposed categorization on a person who is not in a so-called primary relationship.

I don’t feel sad when I’m "single," and I don’t feel like someone’s precious angel when I’m "taken." I probably don’t play by the rules that come with these binary labels anyway, and that’s why I have a problem with them. I have a problem with all the reels trying to depict the reality of a "single person."

WHAT IS SINGLE LIFE?

Just to give you an example: Why do we have to romanticize “single” life? Can’t we just romanticize life? WHAT IS SINGLE LIFE? I don’t get it.

I like taking care of myself, meeting friends in bars, having a bath, and going to the cinema alone, whether or not I am “single” or “taken.” These activities do not define my “relationship status.”

I can be lonely, unhappy, struggling, and anxious while technically being "taken,” and I can be joyful, quirky, my best self, and uninterested in partying while being perceived as “single.”

Also, is anyone really “single” who has … friends? Doesn’t that count as a relationship? I have a best friend, I have some great ex-partners, over the course of a year I maintain sexual partners, and I appreciate friends with benefits. I am in relationships with multiple people I consider my closest friends. So, shouldn’t I, therefore, label myself as “taken”? Why don't these relationships count? Ah, right—we're still living in heteronormativity country!

single taken propaganda

Could it be true that the terms “single” and “taken” are nothing more than patriarchy’s propaganda? "Taken" is considered the "good" status, the one to be obtained, while "single" is a state to be avoided at all costs – especially if you are a woman because God forbid you live your life outside traditional gender norms. The patriarchy can handle women better if they have a fixed place in society.

Being “taken” does offer more status, so does marriage – the epitome of taken-ism. It’s unnecessary to mention that status alone does not indicate … anything. That’s why labels such as “single” or “taken” seem so redundant and outdated to me.

Instead of calling oneself “single,” we could call ourselves something different. Sexless, friendless, celibate, lacking a romantic connection. But single? Honestly, who’s that?

Not a relationship-phobe

Another thing that bothers me is the assumption that “single” people are not able to form committed relationships, when often, it’s quite the opposite. It’s not our fault that all relationships aside from traditional ones are made invisible, leaving many people thinking they’re less than just because they are currently not pursuing a so-called “long term” sexual or romantic connection.

As if many “taken” people don’t suffer from a lack of intimacy as well. Are we really that different, “single” and “taken” folks?

For me, there’s no difference between feeling "single" or "taken." The true disparity emerges not from mere labels but from the depth of commitments. Do I have a commitment, a real base, a true connection, a sleepover-routine with someone, or not?

If we do, it’s a relationship, regardless of whether or not I’m “single” at the moment. If we opt out of heteronormative speech, we might as well get rid of the many stigmas attached to singleness. We could have friends whom we bring as partners to our children's birthdays, sparing us the need to seek replacements on OkCupid. We would have companions for shared vacations, allowing us to focus on what truly matters in life.

We could start meeting each other as human beings again, and not just as singles or couples.

It might be worth a try.