marriage proposals make me gag

Why waiting for a ring isn’t feminist.

I’ve had many delulu dreams in my life — becoming a pop star, moving to Italy, getting a neck tattoo (still .. maybe?). But one thing I’ve never wanted, not even for a second, is a marriage proposal.

Every time I see one of those over-the-top Eiffel Tower stunts, I throw up in my mouth a little. The whole proposal culture has gone way too far, and honestly, it’s built on an entire ecosystem of lies and low-key red flags.

Let’s get into it.

1. The Fake Surprise

Whenever I stumble upon one of these videos (you know exactly which ones I’m talking about), I can’t help but mentally run through the to-do list that led up to this “spontaneous” moment. And seriously — what’s romantic about that?

“Oh babe, this would be a great spot — let’s accidentally set up a tripod here.”
“Wait, not from that side, that’s my bad angle. Come in from the left, ok?”

HELP?!

What really gets me isn’t just the staged vibes and the hand-over-mouth expression of ULTIMATE SHOCK. It’s what’s silently implied: the woman knows what’s coming — but isn’t allowed to show it. Aaaaah.

Because that would ruin the performance. As if we all don’t already know this is a painfully choreographed piece of amateur theater you’re setting up for your followers.

2. The Pick-Me Moment on Camera

As a media studies graduate, I physically cannot watch these clips without analyzing the intention behind them. In 99 percent of cases, it’s a man kneeling in front of a woman, showing the female main character that she’s been chosen.
Finally.

And since the whole thing is filmed, it’s not just for her — it’s for a bunch of strangers on the internet. The message is clear: Look at me, I’m the chosen one.

That might give the protagonist a temporary ego boost — but let’s be real, it’s reinforcing a narrative we should’ve left behind ages ago: that a woman is only “complete” once she’s been validated, picked, made into a woman by a man.

Honestly, idk.

3. The Lack of Negotiation in a Legal Contract

Okay, this one comes from my inner lawyer. Let’s say you want to buy a car with your partner. What do you do? You probably sit down on a Friday night after work and talk it out. Ideally, you make the decision together — brand, size, seat color.

But when you want to legally bind yourself to someone for the rest of your life, aka get married? What do you do as a woman? EXACTLY.

You wait until he can’t ignore your passive-aggressive vibes anymore — because you’re too afraid to ask the most important person in your life when you’re going to get married.

It’s kinda sad honestly… writing this out loud.

I don’t get why women wait for a proposal. Successful, smart, brave women who manage literally everything in their lives — from their dental insurance to the chemical ingredients in their shampoo to the CO₂ footprint of their next flight.

And yet this — one of the biggest contracts of their lives — they leave up to a man’s timing?

Girl, no.

So… what can you do instead?

Imagine: getting married without a proposal.

Two adults go on a walk and realize, wow, they actually want to spend their lives together. No one gets on one knee. There’s no audience. No surprise — because it shouldn’t be a f*king surprise when two people decide to build a future.

They talk about goals, responsibilities, rights. Maybe even prenups or expectations. They both take their time to think everything through. And then they make a decision. Together. How, when, where.

One of them calls city hall. That’s it.

Done.

What’s not romantic about that?

To me, romance isn’t performing a Pinterest script on camera. Romance is treating each other with respect. As equals. As adults. And that’s why this approach isn’t just more reasonable, it’s more feminist. It’s how we should all already be doing this.

Because when two people mutually and intentionally decide to get married — instead of one being “chosen” — they see each other as equals. Isn’t it sexy?

Sure, it might not be a Disney moment.
But maybe that’s exactly what makes it built to last.