I am laughing because at 53 I have never felt more fuckable in my life! My body is soft and my joints creak but I am so aware and confident of what I like and want from sex. Male attention never fully left, if anything I feel more attractive than ever.
yes! switching sides. i think it was more of a gradual progression with me, but i had this moment this past new years (with the aforementioned friends) when they were asking someone to take photos of us. i agreed to take a photo, thought it might be nice for the memory. they turned it into a minutes long photo shoot, repositioning themselves and contorting their bodies between poses. i was like…oh. wow, this is not what i want to be doing anymore. seemed so pointless and sad
I also wonder if you ever break up if it might flip right back on in a much more surprising way than you’d expect. Not to say being together or single, sending nudes or not, is the goal… just never say never 😂😇
damn oh damn i loved this. i feel thisssss, i dont wanna be in a room with horny men anymore either, unless their paying me of course but even some days i’m over that shit too.
and yeah Sex and The City is gringy now to me, because damn these women center men wayyyy too much!
i think i’m always going to be hot, i thank my mayan genes for that. so not caring about being fuckable anymore has been extremely free. and yes getting older helps with that!
It's funny, that phrase "good looking enough" is one I use internally too.
So much of this resonates, you could be describing me. I love getting older, I feel so much more attuned to where I can use my "power" in meaningful ways - including appearance. I stopped wasting attractiveness on being desired by men (and competing with / impressing other women) who don't matter and now think of it as a privilege and an asset to be applied wisely instead. Or just to be enjoyed by me.
I also didn't find this sense of inner peace and freedom from that distraction until I had a healthy loving relationship. I'm happy for you!
Hard relate on all of this. Also 33. Finally in a longterm relationship that’s worth being in — so worth being in that I actually ended up getting engaged and will be married in September, despite never thinking I would want something as dull and unslutty as that. You’ve articulated something I’ve been feeling for the last few years — I do feel sad sometimes knowing that the slutty, deeply desirable part of my life closed its shutters without me even realising it and I’ll never go back to being that hot purely from being young and “conventionally” attractive. But the freedom from feeling invisible in all those social settings — clubs, bars, parties — is really liberating. As is divesting as much as I can from beauty culture and realising how much time and money I’m saving! As others have said, ageing is a privilege, and I love that after all these years chasing loser guys who weren’t interested in getting to know me, I finally know and respect myself.
“You’ve articulated something I’ve been feeling for the last few years”
I know I did something right when I sat down at 8 pm and scribbled down a gut feeling. No statistics. Nothing fancy. Just me and my feels (and therefore, someone else’s)
Same. I’m in the stage of my life where I still feel good looking enough but not fuckable like a nubile young woman. But truly, male attention (or at least, the overt, try to get me in the sack kind of attention) stopped when I got publicly engaged at 26. I felt that was the turning point. Before that, the men in my life still… tried? They stopped once I got that ring. Anyway, now fresh out of my pregnancy-postpartum cycle (I’m done having all of my planned kids), I have so much I still want to do while I’m still young (not fuckable-young, but like, my-joints-don’t-creak young) that I truly don’t worry about that. I’m glad I don’t think about it anymore. It was exhausting to be so self conscious. Even aside from being married and not wanting to cheat, I mean. It would take too much of my time and energy on top of 3 kids under 4. I have a novel to write. A video game to play. And once I sleep a little better, maybe a business to found. At 32, I have at most 8 years before the creakiness sets in, I’m sure. I have no time to waste.
I was never hot, not on my best day! I hated the way I looked, and to this day I avoid having my picture taken. At 70, I still don’t like the way I look, but the big takeaway is that I no longer care that others don’t like it.
I don’t completely relate BUT I did find once I was in a long term relationship I was absolutely never looked at, and that was a shift. I think so much of it is energy, more than looks or clothes or any of it, I think to an extent what you want and feel ready for / deserve absolutely will show up. And as soon as we broke up flings new and old arrived immediately. I appreciate this post!
This doesn’t sound like a good basis for a stable long term relationship. It’s hard to maintain a relationship through the ups and downs if you weren’t head over heels in love with the person at some point in time. Because if you don’t have that, when things are tough you will look back and think, “I never really liked that person that much anyway,” instead of being able to look back and think “I was madly in love with that person because there are some absolutely wonderful things about them, so it is worth trying to work things out as opposed to being by myself or finding someone better”. I know that the Gottman’s call the first one “negative sentiment override”, and forget what they call the second.
I am laughing because at 53 I have never felt more fuckable in my life! My body is soft and my joints creak but I am so aware and confident of what I like and want from sex. Male attention never fully left, if anything I feel more attractive than ever.
I KNEW SOMEONE WOULD PROVIDE THIS PERSPECTIVE AS WELL
this is the kind of shit that makes me soooo happy about getting older!
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
feel this heavily. very strange feeling. many of my friends are not yet at the same place as me and i feel like we speak 2 different languages
Yeah right? It’s like switching sides or something. When was the moment you realized: “it happened. I can probably never send nudes again.”
yes! switching sides. i think it was more of a gradual progression with me, but i had this moment this past new years (with the aforementioned friends) when they were asking someone to take photos of us. i agreed to take a photo, thought it might be nice for the memory. they turned it into a minutes long photo shoot, repositioning themselves and contorting their bodies between poses. i was like…oh. wow, this is not what i want to be doing anymore. seemed so pointless and sad
Yeaaaaah! Taking pics for the good memories rather than the good looks. Not doing a duck face or adjusting your boobs. None of it
I also wonder if you ever break up if it might flip right back on in a much more surprising way than you’d expect. Not to say being together or single, sending nudes or not, is the goal… just never say never 😂😇
damn oh damn i loved this. i feel thisssss, i dont wanna be in a room with horny men anymore either, unless their paying me of course but even some days i’m over that shit too.
and yeah Sex and The City is gringy now to me, because damn these women center men wayyyy too much!
i think i’m always going to be hot, i thank my mayan genes for that. so not caring about being fuckable anymore has been extremely free. and yes getting older helps with that!
Yes queen! I was just thinking, how your thoughts go together with some of your work, but you kinda explained it lol. Like, being paid it is right
It's funny, that phrase "good looking enough" is one I use internally too.
So much of this resonates, you could be describing me. I love getting older, I feel so much more attuned to where I can use my "power" in meaningful ways - including appearance. I stopped wasting attractiveness on being desired by men (and competing with / impressing other women) who don't matter and now think of it as a privilege and an asset to be applied wisely instead. Or just to be enjoyed by me.
I also didn't find this sense of inner peace and freedom from that distraction until I had a healthy loving relationship. I'm happy for you!
Thanks. I really wanted to phrase something many of us probably say to themselves and just put it out there.
I don’t relate to this particularly but I thought the perspective was nice
Hard relate on all of this. Also 33. Finally in a longterm relationship that’s worth being in — so worth being in that I actually ended up getting engaged and will be married in September, despite never thinking I would want something as dull and unslutty as that. You’ve articulated something I’ve been feeling for the last few years — I do feel sad sometimes knowing that the slutty, deeply desirable part of my life closed its shutters without me even realising it and I’ll never go back to being that hot purely from being young and “conventionally” attractive. But the freedom from feeling invisible in all those social settings — clubs, bars, parties — is really liberating. As is divesting as much as I can from beauty culture and realising how much time and money I’m saving! As others have said, ageing is a privilege, and I love that after all these years chasing loser guys who weren’t interested in getting to know me, I finally know and respect myself.
When I hear this sentence:
“You’ve articulated something I’ve been feeling for the last few years”
I know I did something right when I sat down at 8 pm and scribbled down a gut feeling. No statistics. Nothing fancy. Just me and my feels (and therefore, someone else’s)
Same. I’m in the stage of my life where I still feel good looking enough but not fuckable like a nubile young woman. But truly, male attention (or at least, the overt, try to get me in the sack kind of attention) stopped when I got publicly engaged at 26. I felt that was the turning point. Before that, the men in my life still… tried? They stopped once I got that ring. Anyway, now fresh out of my pregnancy-postpartum cycle (I’m done having all of my planned kids), I have so much I still want to do while I’m still young (not fuckable-young, but like, my-joints-don’t-creak young) that I truly don’t worry about that. I’m glad I don’t think about it anymore. It was exhausting to be so self conscious. Even aside from being married and not wanting to cheat, I mean. It would take too much of my time and energy on top of 3 kids under 4. I have a novel to write. A video game to play. And once I sleep a little better, maybe a business to found. At 32, I have at most 8 years before the creakiness sets in, I’m sure. I have no time to waste.
“It was exhausting to be so self conscious.” 💔
I was never hot, not on my best day! I hated the way I looked, and to this day I avoid having my picture taken. At 70, I still don’t like the way I look, but the big takeaway is that I no longer care that others don’t like it.
There should be a whole new word for the first sentence / feeling right
I don’t completely relate BUT I did find once I was in a long term relationship I was absolutely never looked at, and that was a shift. I think so much of it is energy, more than looks or clothes or any of it, I think to an extent what you want and feel ready for / deserve absolutely will show up. And as soon as we broke up flings new and old arrived immediately. I appreciate this post!
miss the person i was 5 minutes ago before reading this
This doesn’t sound like a good basis for a stable long term relationship. It’s hard to maintain a relationship through the ups and downs if you weren’t head over heels in love with the person at some point in time. Because if you don’t have that, when things are tough you will look back and think, “I never really liked that person that much anyway,” instead of being able to look back and think “I was madly in love with that person because there are some absolutely wonderful things about them, so it is worth trying to work things out as opposed to being by myself or finding someone better”. I know that the Gottman’s call the first one “negative sentiment override”, and forget what they call the second.
Wtf are you talking about