Girl, you won’t find your S.O. in your twenties (and that's a good thing)

I can’t get over the fact that so many people are obsessed with meeting in their twenties when it’s often a very bad idea.

Aging is beautiful, and we don’t state that enough. It is divine because it has provided me with some insights and wisdoms that I could not have processed in my twenties without hating on myself. So, naturally, I don’t care if giving out relationship advice to 25 yos makes me sound like your 50 yo aunties, because, first of all, nothing is wrong with being a 50 yo cunt aunt, and second, maybe they were right after all, okay?

So, let me tell you something, girl. Stop searching for the “perfect relationship” with a man in your twenties because if you’re dating men in your twenties, I can guarantee you—you won’t find one. And you know why? Because you are 25 years old.

You might find a relationship, yes, as much as I did find some of the “a relationship”-types of relationships, but it won’t be the thing you’re craving. And no, I’m not going to argue in favor of age-gap relationships with older men here, alright? Good.

I know you feel super old and mature, and you have done plenty of therapy sessions, and you are doing your homework and the journaling exercises.

But you’re still 25, for god’s sake. Your brain development was just completed a couple of weeks ago, so don’t be so hard on yourself when you fall for the wrong guys with opposite love languages and attachment styles, who live with their mamas and can’t hold a job—because it won’t be the end of the world. I promise. It will only last a couple of years (max), and you can do better later. In your thirties.

Life isn’t as short as people want us to believe ok. You got time.

Again, why do I know that? Because I haven’t met a single guy I’d actually consider relationship material up until I turned 30 and actually met guys who were relationship material. That’s how I figured out those other guys weren’t in the first place, by the way. To give you some context: I’ve only ever dated men ±5 years older or younger than me, so, of course, acquired maturity did play a role here.

Let me do some math. Since I turned thirty, which is three years ago now, I met two suitable relationship partners who did me right—texted back in time, bought me gifts, invited me for holidays and dinners, loved giving head, listened to my bullshit, and also occasionally called me out on it without sounding like a whiny little bastard or threatening to “leave the situation.”

Would I have met those two men in my twenties? Hell no.

Even if I had met them at a party, back then they wouldn’t have been the men they are now (because they were in their twenties lol). Also, I would not have been ready for a stable, loving relationship because I had too many issues to deal with. Also, I didn’t know what I wanted until I was 29 or 30, and none of my friends knew. Look, almost everyone’s twenties suck for many different, already extensively online-discussed reasons.

So, what I’d do instead is: chill. Take the pressure off.

Hang out as friends. Or, for god’s sake, have a relationship—but don’t expect him to meet your standards because you probably don’t even meet your own.

At least I certainly didn’t, looking back at the things I did to myself and others; how I let others treat me and let me down without suffering consequences. Now I know—if a dude fucks it up, I’m gone. Day 1.
Not day 22, or month 7.
Fucking day 1.

Do you have that willpower, girl in your twenties? Do you have that?

If you don’t, stay by yourself. Get a university degree, read some bell hooks, Sylvia Plath, Ariel Levy, or Roxane Gay. Don’t read Louise Perry—that’s a whole other genre of misinformation about female liberation.

But please, don’t go on that hunt, and don’t expect to meet your S.O. in your twenties. There are women who have, and believe me, most of those relationships I’ve seen weren’t too pretty.

Go ask your aunt, or your mother, or your grandmother. I asked mine, and they would not have gone for the same men if they had the chance today.

I’ve also had dinner with couples who met when they were 24, and honestly, I sometimes pitied the women for having chosen so badly back then—when their boyfriends/husbands interrupted them every second sentence and behaved like little Mussolinis. And the females didn’t even notice, from what I could tell!

At the same time, that’s who they were back then, so of course their choice is a reflection of their past self rather than their present or future self. You get used to bad behaviour. Some couples develop together throughout their twenties. Most—at least from my observations—don’t. They still go on holidays, but they also secretly hate each other or feel trapped.

I just can’t get over the fact that so many people are obsessed with meeting in their twenties when it’s often a very bad and childish idea.

On the other hand, if you meet in your thirties, you meet as fully developed human beings, who already had their “a relationship”-type of relationship. The genuine men I met in my thirties, the ones that were relationship material brought a self-reflection to the table I have never seen in men in their twenties, when I was in my twenties.

Best thing about my thirties yet is not being attracted to men in their twenties any longer lol. The curse is gone.

So, babygirl, don’t worry. It’s actually a very, very good thing not having met your life partner in your twenties yet. You can meet him, if you want, later in life—to a whole new set of standards.

You’re welcome.