Why the Hell is Esther Perel Still Allowed to Give Relationship Advice?

Am I the only one who's seeing it?

I turn around and there it is, sitting on my bookshelf like some kind of relic. The State of Affairs. A book I haven’t touched in over three years. Back then, I read it like it was gospel, convinced that Esther Perel had unlocked some grand secret about love, about human connection, about how to salvage a relationship teetering on the edge.

There she was, a qualified therapist offering something deeper than the usual “just leave him” advice. But now? Now I see it for what it really is—a handbook for women who’ve been conditioned to stay and suffer.

* * *

Perel’s approach isn’t revolutionary—it’s just another version of the same tired narrative women have been fed for centuries: stay, endure, try to understand him, try to fix it. Her analyses largely ignore the societal conditions under which relationships are conducted—namely, under patriarchy, where women still bear the brunt of care work, emotional labor, and the thankless task of holding a broken marriage together after their day job is done.