the happy couple

A poem for everyone who has only ever known toxic love.

None of my friends brought a partner tonight,
I did.
We are the happy couple now.

I never was “the happy” couple.
I was the “why are they still together” couple,
the “what does she see in him” couple,
the “I think they should break up” couple,
the “I think I’ll tell my mom” couple.

I was the “try harder” couple,
the “never quite right” couple,
the “please safe me” couple,
the “maybe you should move out” couple.

The “don’t leave” couple,
the “one more time” couple,
the “I love you anyway” couple.
Now, as the happy couple,
I spot other “why are they still together” couples,
the “don’t check my phone while I’m in the bathroom” couples,
the “let’s not break up before the holidays” couples,
abandoning each other from across the table.

Their silence,
speaks to me.

We are the happy couple now,
the “let’s not fight over this” couple,
the “let’s go home early together” couple,
the “let’s fly to Athens next year” couple,
the “I truly trust you” couple.

The “love can feel easy” couple,
the “we agree on this” couple,
the “let‘s meet every Wednesday at 3” couple,
the “I say what I mean” couple.
The “happiness feels strange to me” couple,
like peeling an orange with my left hand.

We are the happy couple now.
And,
all of my friends order water.