men who shouldn’t date: a poem

Or a listicle. Call it whatever.

the guy who still lives with his ex
the guy who still lives with his ex and does not plan to move out
the guy who has never been in therapy
the guy who does not want to go to therapy
the guy who thinks he doesn't need therapy
the guy who thinks that being casual and noncommittal is enough to keep someone in line for the long haul
the guy who generates his self-worth through matches
the guy who has had a Tinder paid subscription for five months straight
the guy who keeps swiping until 1 a.m. after a good date
the guy who hasn't told his girlfriend that he still uses Bumble
the guy who wants to tell his girlfriend that he downloaded Bumble at some point
the guy who is on all the apps at the same time so he doesn't miss anything
the guy who can't plan two days in advance
the guy who thinks he still looks pretty young for his age

the guy with the kid he says he never wanted
the guy who says he’s not ready (for whatever)
the guy who acts out his inferiority complexes on others
the guy who can’t compliment you
the guy who can't receive compliments because he thinks you're being manipulative
the guy who is afraid of looking gay
the guy who can't open up
the guy who does not want to open up
the guy who doesn't understand what a writer does for a living
the guy who doesn't understand what you actually want from him after you’ve told him fifteen times
the guy who thinks he can handle three girls at the same time, but actually can't handle the one he's got
the guy who assumes you want a monogamous relationship with him because you're nice and then runs the other way
the guy who asks your opinion about israel to vent his anti-semitism
the guy who seems innocent at first, yet sexualizes you from the get go
the guy who has a whole bottle on the first night at your apartment
the guy who only wants to text you
the guy who only wants to fuck you
the guy who doesn't want to take responsibility for anything
the guy who shittalks his mother
the guy who shittalks his ex
the guy who shittalks the mother of his child
the guy who accuses his ex of stealing his sperm
the guy who doesn't understand his previous relationships failed because of his actions as well
the guy who calls his ex jealous
the guy who calls you jealous
the guy who does not know what he wants
the guy who does not plan dates
the guy who never pays
the guy who expects you to pay because hello feminism
the guy who claims he’s a feminist but doesn't follow up with action
the guy who deliberately doesn't call himself a feminist
the guy who doesn’t read
the guy who doesn't read books written by women