Advice Column #3: Shall I Dump My Anchor Person?
What to do if you fell in love with someone new.
Welcome back to the Fuckgirl Advice Column — the place where paid subscribers get answers to their current dilemmas.
This week’s question comes from a fellow ambi-amorous babe who’s found herself at a crossroads: she’s in a stable, loving non-monogamous relationship with her anchor partner — but now she’s caught feelings for someone new, and monogamy is suddenly looking… kinda sexy. I’ll be talking about the what ifs, the guilt, the magnetic pull of romance, and the brutal logistics of breaking up with someone who’s technically done nothing wrong.
If you wanna submit your question, just DM me.
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Dear Fuckgirl,
I'm in my late twenties and for the past few years have been "ambiamorous" as in open to monogamy or non-monogamy depending on the relationship and the needs of everyone involved.
With my current partner, I have met someone who feels very similar about (non)monogamy and we have managed to create a relationship that feels really good for both of us in terms of our relationship structure, which is a sort of fluid "monogamish" approach, where we are open to other dating and relationship scenarios while agreeing that we want to prioritise an anchor relationship (which we have with each other).
The problem is, that I wonder that our excitement around aligning on this topic is the main thing that has brought us together, and that while this really is what feels like the ideal structure for me, I am not sure if I actually want my current partner to be said "anchor relationship".
My feelings for him are genuine - based on care, respect, and good will, but not very... romantic? I have been feeling this way for a while, and have even brought it up to my partner, but now it's really coming to the forefront with having met someone else that i DO have those feelings with.
My partner is aware, so is the other person, and my partner is open to me exploring my feelings for this other person, while we do stay together, but I am asking myself if I'm just leading him on, when a part of me feels like wanting to break up and explore monogamy (or an anchor relationship) with this other person, because I feel romantically fulfilled in a way i don't with my partner. I love your nuanced thoughts on all questions monogamy/non-monogamy/relationships so I'd really appreciate your advice on this one!
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Dear fellow fuckgirl!